Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
