just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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