Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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