going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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