How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
