the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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