I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
