I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
