Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
