sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
