we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize