I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
