Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
