I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
