So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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