Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
