The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
