You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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