ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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