I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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