i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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