now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
