I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
