I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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