my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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