i permit you to call me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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