"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
