I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
