wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
