I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
