i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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