Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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