You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
