If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize