I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
