been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
