I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
