Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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