I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
