Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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