My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I enjoy the company of your penis
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
