Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
