I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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