are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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