At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
