never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
FUCK WHALES
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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