Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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