recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
