If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
