So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And then he peed in my hair
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