wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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