the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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