Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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