I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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