Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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