I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
