then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
