I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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