I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
