He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
