maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
