so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
someone owes me an orgasm
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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