come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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