the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
