barbara walters just said penis...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just invented taco cereal.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
