Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
