I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
