I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
