If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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