Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
God I need to hump something, right now.
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