Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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