just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
