Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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