quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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