how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
